I have not been too much since leaving hospital. I am glad to be out, it is nice to be in my bungalow. I am feeling really lonely. I am having a live in carer/ P.A which is good but it is not the same as living with my friends which is what most of them are doing at the moment and I feel left out. So far I have only really got on with one of my P.As. she is lovely. The other ones have been nice but we just didn't bond. hopefully I will get some other p.a's that I get on well with. I am sorry that this writing isn't very good my microphone is playing up.
I spend my days on the Internet in my bed. I am still not getting any physiotherapy and I am waiting for it to be sorted out. I am trying to raise money to get myself some physiotherapy sessions or some equipment such as a standing frame. I am not sure whether it is selfish to try and get myself things such as this, I do think that I deserve the opportunity to get my self at least a little bit stronger. And then I would be able to do things such as go out with my friends rather than being a prisoner within my own home and body which I am at the moment.
I need to set my self some goals. Does anybody have any suggestions what they could be. I am stuck for ideas as I am getting depressed again with being stuck in this rut. It is just the same routine every day. Lying in my bed on the Internet or watching TV or films. I get visits off my friends quite often which is the highlight of my week. I don't think they realise how much they help me to feel better. It is wonderful catching up. Does anybody have any suggestions of what I can do to fill my days as I am beginning to get depressed again. I am also terrified that I will end up being stuck in hospital again. I am going to women's Hospital on Monday to get some checks done on my bladder. I might end up getting a different kind of catheter called supra pubic catheter. It basically goes through my stomach wall in to my bladder and it is much easier to maintain. It is also reversible. Not that you want to know about my bladder. Lol. I am a bit worried about going to the hospital as I think I have developed a slight phobia of being stuck in one again. I know this won't happen as it is only a one hour appointment. I can't wait until it is over and done with. I am nervous waiting. I have got to go in a stretcher ambulance as I am not yet strong enough to sit in my wheelchair.
I am thinking about writing a book. Do you think anybody would be interested in my life? I have got a lot to write about and one of my very best friends who I love very very much is going to help me do it as she is an author. I am going to write about everything that has happened from even before I got diagnosed.
I have still got quite a few blogs to write about my time in hospital. I was therefore quite a long time and loads happened. I should have really written them when I was there but it was difficult because I was always in a room with other people some of whom writing about. I am sorry that this post isn't a very good one it is just very rushed and I am feeling down at the moment. Anyway I hope you enjoy reading it and I would appreciate if people could message me or comment on with things they would like me to write about in my book/blog.x
